APPLICANT: Please, No Goldfish

Dear sirs,

I would like to submit my interest in your recently advertised position of 'Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier', as listed on Seek.com.au

While I am currently employed in a technical capacity within the real-estate sector, and have had no direct experience in the mercenary-for-hire field, I feel that the skills and work history I have acquired within an office environment provide me with a number of strengths that will translate well to a death & destruction oriented role.

While I have yet to work on an intergalactic-scale, I have demonstrated experience working with lawyers, sales staff and librarians - certainly the most wretched and dangerous scum found on the planet Earth. I feel this has prepared me to take the next step and work on an inter-planetary and inter-galactic level.

In a number of my previous roles, I was directly responsible for the planning and implementation of a number of small office pranks, in one case even bringing about the destruction of a whole coffee-mug. As enemy aliens and coffee-mugs are very similar in operation, I feel I could certainly be a valuable member of the team in this regard.

I have not yet saved the human race, but I have attended the course, and hope to take the exam within the next 3 months.

Key experience and skills:
* 12 confirmed, 132 unconfirmed kills (and a fear of ever receiving another goldfish as a birthday present)
* Extensive hands-on experience with the STN-36B Desk Drawer (and caddy attachment), PT-7 Office Chair, AND M1N3 Power Stapler. As you would be aware, these equipment certifications are directly transferrable to the MC-77 and X-8A
* Well-documented hands-on approach to 'frowning slightly as if annoyed'. While certainly my weakest skill, I feel in the correct environment, and with the right guidance, I could certainly shine in the area of killing.

In summary, I am self-motivated individual with a goal-oriented approach, and would welcome the opportunity to transition into a successful role as a Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier with Cerberus. I bring a wealth and knowledge with me that would have an immense effect on the table, perhaps even on a massive scale.

I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Kind regards,