10 Successful Applicants Selected

Thank you once again to all applicants for the role of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier.

After heated (and occasionally bloody) internal discussion, we have selected a team of 10 soldiers.

Each applicant will receive a training simulator in the coming weeks in order to hone their skills.

The below applicants will receive an email shortly to confirm their appointment.

Alexander Newman
Alexander Leckie
Troy Cleary
David Wilkins
David Grubb
Andrew Shaw
Baron Von Thunen
Andrew Willshire
Bianca DeSooto
Nick Bakai

If your name is above, please contact me immediately

Sincerely,
Commander Shepard

APPLICANT: Tea and Scones?

To whom it may concern,

Over the last 15 years I have worked in several teams of mercenaries and also alone on independent contracts.

I have honed my execution skills using a number of broad tools from heavy weaponry to a toothbrush.

I am interested in a position where I can work as a member of a team and rain down senseless slaughter, mayhem and general pain to anyone I am encouraged to hurt.

It sounds like I would be a great fit within your organisation.

I would love to sit down over a tea and a scone to discuss further if you are interested

Yours Sincerely,
Lawrence Arms

APPLICANT: Still Here

I am a motivated and capable individual who feels that he meets the requirements for this kind of work. For obvious reasons I will not be including a resume with an enumeration of past experience with this application, suffice to say that I am still here.

APPLICANT: Goombah's & Zombies

I have been killing since the age of six (23 years ago). No matter the adversity, no matter the foe.. I have never failed in carrying out my assignments. Whether it is crushing armies of Goombah's on my way to kill Bowser or slaughtering thousands of zombies in my quest to evacuate a city I show no remorse, no mercy and no hesitation.

I request only a method to identify my target and to be duly compensated for my time and expenses. These will include transport, ammunition, weaponry and miscellaneous expenses such as funding to bribe required officials and meals.

I look forward to your offer.

APPLICANT: Sandwich Bar Experience

To Whom It May Concern,

I am the applying for the position of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier for Cerberus, as advertised on the Seek website on the 13th of January 2010.

I have currently finished a 3 year tour of duty in the depths of space where i spent my time as a mercenary protecting "People Of Importance". During this time i spent many a day under attack from local militias and other invading alien species. I have over 200 kills my name, as per the prerequisites, have no problem having to take on a hands on approach, can bench press a car and like a bit of a laugh in the process. Prior to this I spent time working in a busy sandwich bar doing customer service and food handling.

I have recently been actively searching for as an assassin/mercenary for hire and with my previous experiences I believe I would make a perfect candidate for your role. I have the confidence that I do possess all the necessary skills and my ability to learn quickly make me an ideal applicant.

If I am chosen for this position, I will do my utmost to fulfill my duties to the best of my abilities. I am reliable, trustworthy, punctual, mentally and physically person. I enjoy a challenge and meeting new people.
Please find attached is a copy of my current resume; I welcome the opportunity to discuss the possibility of becoming a key member of your team, dedicated to setting a high standard of service.
If you require any further information please do not hesitate to contact me on 0417 XXX XXX.
Yours sincerely,
A.N- Mercenary

APPLICANT: Lara Croft

I like to think that I would be most suitable for this position as demonstrated in my previous experience with videogames. I was totally kick arse at the original donkey kong. I love to watch law & order. I am reliable, eager to learn new & varied skills, have demonstrated my ability to go above & beyond the call of duty, have supreme written & verbal skills & am a good communicator. I would also look really hot in a "Lara Croft" style outfit. This is the job for me. I'm your woman. Hire me!

APPLICANT: Bloody Death Guarenteed

I am writing this letter in regards to your advertisement for a job as an Assassin for the Cerberus organisation.

I have a wide range of experience with assassination many targets across a variety of sectors, planets, planetoids, satellites, space stations and anomalous objects.

My kill counts have always averaged high in missions where it is required but I am also capable of being a shadowy figure taking down my target and target alone.

My experience in killing methods ranges from melee knives and batons and bare fists to sniper rifles, pistols and a broad array of biotic powers.

I am flexible in working hours and capable of taking high levels of abuse from both the job, the other assassins and the enemy themselves.

Hire me and you will have the guarantee of success and bloody death to all that you wish such a fate




And attached Resume:

Career Objective: To be part of a successful and efficient kill team and meet a variety of other mercenaries to expand my own contacts network and improve my repertoire of killing methods and assorted implements of death destruction and disembowelment.

Core Strengths

- High level of interest in the fields of biotic manipulation of matter and high velocity physics of bullets
- Able to keep up to date on galactic trends, cycles and news via multiple sources and agents
- Able to follow orders without question and only with a minimal screaming about how enemies are everywhere and to “go go go”
- Capable of dialogue and discussion with any and all people in a polite and practical manner for exchange of ideas and formulation of new ones (or smashing their face in, either one works)
- High level of computer literacy
- Experience in working as part of a team as well as team leader for both practical tasks in a “business” environment as well as “enhanced interrogation”

Strengths - Biotics

- Long career experience with over 2 years of using and manipulating element zero
- Wide variety of moves and powers for any and all situations
- Up to date with latest L3 biotic implants

Achievements

- Consistent average kill rates for each mission averaging 40 bodies (do Hanar count?)
- Assassins Guild award for attendance
- Set off successful coup de etat in Helio Beta sector
- Literary works used as showcase pieces in high school yearbook
- Evaded capture for 5 weeks on classified Terran mission
- Managed small team of apprentices effectively as bait for pursuing authorities allowing my escape and weeding out the weak ones

Qualifications

- Jump Zero school of Biotics certification level Alpha
- Marksman’s academy for sniping Beta levels
- 1 year into Bachelor of Philosophy



Employment History

January - December 2119 Doctoral Research Assistant - Mars University of Chemistry

- Worked under Professor Kleinstaffen for development of more effective neuro-toxins
- Aided in Thesis definitions and potential ideas to be incorporated into doctoral thesis
- Tested said toxins on the professor, they are most effective

November 2120 - February 2125 - Biotic Bodyguard CLASSIFIED EMPLOYER

- Keeping selected personages safe from both crowds and assassins
- Counter assassination techniques and procedures
- Inventory control, reorganisation and control of inbound logistics
- Variety of wrestling and non lethal takedowns for PR considerations

June 2125 - October 2130 - Assassin, freelance

Kills include…
- Asari diplomat to earth by strangulation
- Several union leaders both on earth and its artificial satellites
- Krogan mercenary captain in Hawking Eta cluster
- Several hundred henchmen
- Salarian merchant banker on Citadel
- (Please note any kills detrimental to your organisation in the past are entirely the liability of my employers)

May 2131 - Present Day - Mercenary Captain Noveria Development Corporation

- Part of larger organisation of mercenaries guarding mining operations in Horsehead Nebula
- Guided team of mercenaries in patrol and inspection operations for sabotage or theft
- Strengthening of biotic powers via further “accidental” element zero exposure.

Skills

- Ability to work well as part of a team or team leader as well as get along with a wide variety of species in a short space of time
- Able to hold my own in polite society of Turians, Salarians, Asari, Hanar and Volus.
- Capable with Viper C56 sniper rifle and varying pistols
- Role of both assassin and counter assassin
- Hold self to high martial physical standard
- Capable of seeing issues from several different perspectives allowing me to better work with a variety of people and avoid unproductive conflict and friction
- Able to work under pressure and maintain a high standard of work (will not berserk)

Interests
Reading, murder, poetry/prose writing, economics and galactic business, murder, music, gaming, politics and human rights, subcultures. Murder.

Comments from others
“Alex’s attitude is always “can do”. He applies himself to his duties and is a good team member and learns quickly, he has shown excellent competence in the field of destruction and sabotage when it comes to plots to thwart enemy (classified) plans. - CLASSIFIED

“Argghghghghghhgdf aahhhhhh MY SPINE OH GODS aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” - Former Salarian merchant banker

APPLICANT: No Remorse

To whom it may concern,

The prospect of obtaining this position fills me with joy, as unrestricted killing is often frowned upon. I have excellent knowledge of many martial arts, including a black belt in Taekwondo, and no remorse, even for killing kittens. Please contact ASAP.

UPDATE: More Applicants to Come

Once more, I am impressed by the blood-lust and enthusiasm shown by candidates for the role. I am still going through the list of applicants, and will release more responses from my potential soldiers in due time. Stay posted, and stay alert.
Sincerely,
Commander Shepard

APPLICANT: I Will Find You

To whom it may concern,

I am a hard and dedicated worker an I thrive in even the harshest of conditions. I don’t take no for an answer and I never back down. I am proficient with over 200 forms of weaponry and 5 styles of unarmed combat.
I don’t think I am perfect for the position you currently have open, I know it.

You have 3 standard days to reply with positive confirmation or I will find you and I will take my job from your cold dead hands.

Warmly yours,
XXXXXX XXXXXX

ATTACHED RESUME

Objective
To obtain the perfect headshot everytime


Abilities
8 years of ‘customer service’
Excellent written and verbal communication skills, with an eye for detail
Extremely productive in a high volume, high stress, environment
Self starter with a can do attitude

Interests/Hobbies
Armaments
Athletics
Programming
Explosives
Killing
Maiming
Freestyle Knitting

Employment History
1999 – Current – Casual Hitman
For the past decade I have been in and out of contracts constantly with a kill total now ranking around the 93 area. I have never missed a mark and my employers are always pleased with my work, often providing bonuses for a “job well done”.

1997-1999 – McDonalds – Counter hand

APPLICANT: Please, No Goldfish

Dear sirs,

I would like to submit my interest in your recently advertised position of 'Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier', as listed on Seek.com.au

While I am currently employed in a technical capacity within the real-estate sector, and have had no direct experience in the mercenary-for-hire field, I feel that the skills and work history I have acquired within an office environment provide me with a number of strengths that will translate well to a death & destruction oriented role.

While I have yet to work on an intergalactic-scale, I have demonstrated experience working with lawyers, sales staff and librarians - certainly the most wretched and dangerous scum found on the planet Earth. I feel this has prepared me to take the next step and work on an inter-planetary and inter-galactic level.

In a number of my previous roles, I was directly responsible for the planning and implementation of a number of small office pranks, in one case even bringing about the destruction of a whole coffee-mug. As enemy aliens and coffee-mugs are very similar in operation, I feel I could certainly be a valuable member of the team in this regard.

I have not yet saved the human race, but I have attended the course, and hope to take the exam within the next 3 months.

Key experience and skills:
* 12 confirmed, 132 unconfirmed kills (and a fear of ever receiving another goldfish as a birthday present)
* Extensive hands-on experience with the STN-36B Desk Drawer (and caddy attachment), PT-7 Office Chair, AND M1N3 Power Stapler. As you would be aware, these equipment certifications are directly transferrable to the MC-77 and X-8A
* Well-documented hands-on approach to 'frowning slightly as if annoyed'. While certainly my weakest skill, I feel in the correct environment, and with the right guidance, I could certainly shine in the area of killing.

In summary, I am self-motivated individual with a goal-oriented approach, and would welcome the opportunity to transition into a successful role as a Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier with Cerberus. I bring a wealth and knowledge with me that would have an immense effect on the table, perhaps even on a massive scale.

I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Kind regards,

APPLICANT: 429 to 923,426 Kills

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to apply for the position of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier. I believe my experience, knowledge and skills uniquely position me to achieve the outcomes required of the position.

Firstly, I was born for this role. Literally. Upon hearing of the disappearance of entire human colonies, my parents decided to conceive and a raise a child for the express purpose of leading the fight that will see, not only the survival of humanity, but indeed its expansion and eventual arrival as the dominant intergalactic species. I am this child.

By the age of 5 I was conversant in 12 intergalactic dialects, including the most universal of them all: physical force. Chuck Norris was my mentor, until I bested him in one on one combat at the age of 9. Since this time I have been honing my skill with physical and mental weaponry.

To ensure my mental state was prepared to do ‘whatever it takes’ to get the job done, I subjected myself to a process of conditional reinforcement, whereupon I am now a lover of blood, guts and exploding torsos (where torsos is indeed a fair description of part of the alien form). I salivate at the thought of a battle and exhibit with other physical responses upon learning that the battle may indeed be bloody.

Depending on definitions, I have between 429 and 923,426 kills to my name. The lower number is based solely on the simulated training environment of Mass Effect, while the latter extends this training environment to encompass earth-like locations and primitive weaponry of the sort used in Modern Warfare and Modern Warfare 2.

I would welcome the opportunity to further discuss or exhibit my skills in an interview or practical situation, according to the demands of the selection process.

With humanity in mind
XXXXXX XXXXXXXX


PS. You will notice I have not attached a resume. This is because the English language is an insufficient vehicle for the accurate representation of my skills and there is no opportunity to submit a video.

APPLICANT: Ear Necklace

Dear sir,

I wish to apply for the position of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier. I have recently finished a three year tour (relative time - actually 253 earth years having regard to time dilation effects of near light space travel) of the Zarkham Nebula, where I successfully defended the human race from the Vicious Knid Hordes. My personal tally of confirmed kills was 137, not counting Knid hatchling nurseries.

Please see my youtube site demonstrating my effective use of the BFG to Frag an entire Knid regiment. the BFG is similar in operation to the Standard MC-77 Missile Launcher and X-8A AA Rifle. I am adept with all weapons but prefer those that allow me to get up close so I can see the despair in the eyes of my foes as they shed this mortal coil.

I am indiscriminate about the company I keep, having worked with Zerg and the Kodan Armada, Crites and Micheal Jackson before his untimely demise.

I work well in an environment of exploding carapaces and enjoy the stench of burning flesh.

I am not above getting my hands bloodied, ichored, gooed or slimed.

For me the best in life is to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

Resume provided at request. Please note this is comprised of a necklace of the ears of my slain enemies and must be returned.

Regards

APPLICANT: Imperial Marines Graduate

Dear Sirs,

Please see attached my cv in reference to your Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier role on Seek.

I feel that I am a good fit for the role, having commenced my career with the Imperial Marines (dishon. discharge), where I obtained key skills in the small scale tactics & weapon systems essential to such a role.

Following this, I have been working as an independent contractor for the last 10 years, where I was responsible for some key outcomes to my project sponsors, such as:
- The suppression of the Arcturan Insurrection (Team size: 15). On time, under budget)
- Barnard's Star Police Action (Team size: 20). Delivered results in spite of significant scope change (evacuation of Royal Family, subsequent neutralisation).
- Upgraded Tactical Galactic Solutions Inc web servers using open source content management system, significantly reducing ongoing operational costs.

Please contact me if you wish to discuss this further. I am an incorporated entity, and as such do not require superannuation & benefit payments. My availability is 2 weeks.

Kind Regards,
Andrew.
The
previously

APPLICANT: Aspiring Biotic Killer

Dear Sir/Madam,


I am an aspiring biotic soldier and feel this would be a great opportunity to develop my skills as a biotic AND as a killer, and also form lasting work relationships looking to the future - with those who survive in the workplace, that is! I look forward to speaking to you soon.

APPLICANT: Parents Killed by Slavers

MY PARENTS WERE KILLED BY SLAVERS AND I WAS THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF MY TOWN. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE JOB DONE. INCLUDING NUKING KAIDEN.

APPLICANT: Master Chief John-117

Hi,

I'd like to apply for the position of Biotic-Powered Super-Soldier. I have well over 80 confirmed kills and can work in any environment. I am extremely flexible and can work in teams, and have an ability to improvise and adapt to any situation.

My accomplishments include destroying ring worlds and saving Earth and humankind. While I haven't used the MC-77 Missile Launcher or the X-8A Avenger Assault Rifle, I am extremely proficient with the MA5C ICWS Rifle, M41 SSR MAV/AW Rocket Launcher and SRS99D-S2 AM Sniper Rifle as well as other non-human weapons.

I will provide my own MJOLNIR MARK-V armour.

Please contact my personal assistant Cortana to arrange an interview time.

Regards,

Master Chief John-117

APPLICANT: Robot Killer

I've been fighting Robots since before I was born. I've been active in the human resistance network and my role there included killing terminators in implausible scenarios and light housework. I specialise in the T1000-3000 series from Cyberdyne systems but hate all robots equally

APPLICANT: Chuck Norris

You don't need my resume.

Seek Ad

Cerberus is a leading galactic organisation, devoted to human survival at any cost. Due to the recent disappearance of entire human colonies, Cerberus is looking for a team of elite assassins to join the fight for mankind.This is a short-term contract to kill or be killed. You will have a passion for the mercenary industry and a natural flair for killing. Blood, guts and exploding torsos is all in a day’s work for you, and you love it!
Nothing makes you salivate more than a bloody battle, and a good, messy kill. We’re looking for a real go-getter!

KEY RESPONSIBILITIES

• Work closely with the most wretched and dangerous scum of inter-galactic society.
• Strategically plan and implement pain, death and destruction on enemy aliens.
• Save the human race.

KEY EXPERIENCE & SKILLS

• Over 80 kills to your name.
• Comfortable with a range of heavy machinery including the MC-77 Missile Launcher and the X-8A Avenger Assault Rifle.
• A practical, hands-on approach to killing.
• Overall, this role requires someone who is very results driven and motivated to succeed. Failure will lead to your death and the death of all human beings, so you must work well under pressure.

Role includes company weapons and tax benefits.

APPLY NOW